Welcome to my Blog!

Where do I begin.....I am an addict! I have been clean for 59 days----WOW! It seems so much longer then that! My drug use began in high school (class of 85)----used mainly pill, some marijuana, crack a time or two, oh and opiates (I did mix these drugs with alchol)-----sigh! I ended up on Xanax and hydrocodone for about the past 3 years or so, I have had some memory loss, fortunately for me it is coming back piece by piece. There were serveral things that caused me to seek help, my fiance', my son and my youngest niece. All 3 of them played a large factor; they will probably never realize that they actually saved my life!

Psalm 34:5
“Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” (NIV)

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Insomnia!!!! GO AWAY! PLEASE!

Well the insomnia is still here!  Really bad headache today!  When will normalcy set in.....I think I am going to have to make everything normal......where do I begin on that?  Have 2 appointments next week so I think after that I am going to return to work....I have attempted to return back to work about 2 weeks after I started rehab.....WAY to early!  Once I got to work I did not know how to function without drugs----I was so use to having my bottles sitting on my desk beside me I didn't know what to therapist said that work is a trigger----it is common with addictions, you have triggers----I have 3 now, I did have 4 but one of them was a new one so I think it made it easier to shake.  The 2nd one is driving, once I was detoxing, when I drive it is like I am high, I can only imagine what I was like driving "actually" HIGH!  OMG! I am so surprised that I didn't kill anyone----that really scares me!  I have only driven about a handful of times since I began treatment.  The third trigger----FAMILY!  Wanted to run when everyone was here!  This one is getting easier now as well.  The 2 that have to do with those closest to me have been the triggers that have improved some. 

There is so much stress at work I think that is what makes it such a large trigger and almost my entire career there has been "impaired".