Welcome to my Blog!

Where do I begin.....I am an addict! I have been clean for 59 days----WOW! It seems so much longer then that! My drug use began in high school (class of 85)----used mainly pill, some marijuana, crack a time or two, oh and opiates (I did mix these drugs with alchol)-----sigh! I ended up on Xanax and hydrocodone for about the past 3 years or so, I have had some memory loss, fortunately for me it is coming back piece by piece. There were serveral things that caused me to seek help, my fiance', my son and my youngest niece. All 3 of them played a large factor; they will probably never realize that they actually saved my life!

Psalm 34:5
“Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” (NIV)

Wednesday, August 10, 2011


One of the most difficult mental hurdles has been remember everything!  It has been like I was in a coma!  There are so many things I just do not remember!  Bit by bit things have started coming back but Lord only knows what I still don't remember and honestly I may not want to know!!!!

When I was in rehab I remember thinking to myself---OMG I have not been there for my kids---I called my youngest son and said OMG mommy has not been there for you have I?  He said no mom you haven't---that just about broke my heart!  That is still the one thing that I run through my head when I even consider using!  He will question me if I anything in my mouth----Tylenol, Advil, anything!  It is really amazing what kids understand---sometimes they understand things more then we do.

Everyone says its one day at a time----well in my case I have been living one minute at a time, honestly, every minute things can change, there could be that one quick trigger.....for me I try to remember my youngest son saying "no mommy you havent."   I remember how I felt at that moment and how I never want to dig myself at of that hole again.

Another point that really woke me up is when I realized that I actually belonged in rehab with all of the other ADDICTS!  Talking about a rude awakening!  Wow, I had myself convinced that I was not like them---even stayed in my room for the first half of treatment---they even brought me my food!  The bad thing is that society has an idea of what and who we are-----and they are wrong, we could be someone sitting next to them at work, church, school, it could be one of our children or even our parents!