Welcome to my Blog!

Where do I begin.....I am an addict! I have been clean for 59 days----WOW! It seems so much longer then that! My drug use began in high school (class of 85)----used mainly pill, some marijuana, crack a time or two, oh and opiates (I did mix these drugs with alchol)-----sigh! I ended up on Xanax and hydrocodone for about the past 3 years or so, I have had some memory loss, fortunately for me it is coming back piece by piece. There were serveral things that caused me to seek help, my fiance', my son and my youngest niece. All 3 of them played a large factor; they will probably never realize that they actually saved my life!

Psalm 34:5
“Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” (NIV)

Sunday, September 11, 2011


Well I guess I just found another trigger! So we have ATT who lets their reps get cussed out and screamed at who have to just sit there and take it, abuse and my ex and bunch----it sucks! How do you get rid of them or do you ever go away?----I will absolutely scream if one more person tells me to lock the memories up in an imaginary box again!!!! Not working!!!!! Anyone have ideas that are LEGAL let me know :) SCREAM!!! Okay not in such a good mood today I guess but this shall pass!

DAY? Domestic Violence

Today is one of those just goes in cycles---going along great and its like running smack dab into a brick wall and I hate that-real jittery today---maybe the reason is when I was driving to John's this morning and going down Kemp street and there is a cop coming down the street---get a little further down and there are 3 cops at one house 4 men standing watching and one man in handcuffs, keep driving and few more blocks there are 3 cars at another house and a woman frantically pacing on the front porch talking on her cell phone. Pick up John, we go to Aldi, come back over here drop some things off and go to United another cop parked up on 10th street on the hill with his lights on and about 4 people up there in the middle of the street....well go to take John back to his house and the first house I drove by earlier they were boarding up one of the front windows....there was an AA woman out front with a white man who was helping her board up the window! Domestic violence, of course, is the first thing that comes to my mind and it makes me nervous---doesn't matter if it is me or not but it pisses me off!!!! Why can't people just keep there hands to themselves???? It's easy----ya know just leave!!!!! The I am sorry's, the I will never do it again is nothing but LIES!!!! BELIEVE ME!!!! And don't be afraid to get help---there is a place her in this town that will come get you, give you a place to stay and your children and food to eat! They will even purchase you bus tickets to leave this town! One time could be a matter a life or death!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

What day am I on?

Very, very tired!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Day 82

Well this has been a high stress day for our family. My niece who I discuss early on in my blog had her 2nd heart surgery yesterday. Well today they had to take a crash cart into her room! They are not sure what happened but now they have drug induced paralyzed her. Lot of praying----We know God has big plans for her! She is the sweetest baby. She will be 3 months tomorrow and you can look at her and know that she is fully aware of everything. She laughs, smiles and just seems so calm----could take a few pointers from her :) Tonite we were at a car lot here in town and one of the guys came up and introduced himself and then lastly he shook Sean's hand and said boy you are the most special one of all and Sean said No I am not baby Brinley my cousin is :) Well of course all of the kiddos are special but he is right she is! She has changed a lot how some of us think about certain things; she wakes someone up (: As far as my dealing with an issue that would have sent me over the edge for lack of a better phrase----chest pain has been my reaction and other then some tylenol and a nitro have not had cravings for anything else.....worried about ity bitty but deep in my heart I know God is watching over her and has big plans for her----she has already made a big difference in all of our lives!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Day 81

Will let ya know how this day goes later!

Monday, August 29, 2011


Well I have been thinking....I really don't think I like pain very much! I can feel everything and it is tough-----no wander I didn't want to! I am sure it gets easier to deal with...NO actually I know it will get easier but I guess the process will take a while but I WILL get there. I have had to go to the ER a couple of times and each time it was something that caused a great deal of pain.....the first time they only gave me a shot for pain and antibiotics well ironically I was allergic to the antibiotic and the pain was getting worse so they changed my antibiotic and gave me vicodin. Vicodin is not suppose to be addictive and it seemed to work like Tylenol to me but they are right its really nothing that I felt I could get dependent on :) I still laugh at the allergic reaction.....things that I have abused for so long didn't kill me (how I got passed that I don't know so PLEASE do NOT try this at home) and then something that is suppose to make me better could have killed me! Go figure! Just my luck! Ya know the bad thing is with my memory loss I cannot for the life of me remember what it was that I had the reaction to so I hope John or mom remember or next time I am in the ER I will ask them hopefully they put it in their records! (:

Sunday, August 28, 2011