COMA

One of the most difficult mental hurdles has been remember everything!  It has been like I was in a coma!  There are so many things I just do not remember!  Bit by bit things have started coming back but Lord only knows what I still don't remember and honestly I may not want to know!!!!

When I was in rehab I remember thinking to myself---OMG I have not been there for my kids---I called my youngest son and said OMG mommy has not been there for you have I?  He said no mom you haven't---that just about broke my heart!  That is still the one thing that I run through my head when I even consider using!  He will question me if I anything in my mouth----Tylenol, Advil, anything!  It is really amazing what kids understand---sometimes they understand things more then we do.

Everyone says its one day at a time----well in my case I have been living one minute at a time, honestly, every minute things can change, there could be that one quick trigger.....for me I try to remember my youngest son saying "no mommy you havent."   I remember how I felt at that moment and how I never want to dig myself at of that hole again.

Another point that really woke me up is when I realized that I actually belonged in rehab with all of the other ADDICTS!  Talking about a rude awakening!  Wow, I had myself convinced that I was not like them---even stayed in my room for the first half of treatment---they even brought me my food!  The bad thing is that society has an idea of what and who we are-----and they are wrong, we could be someone sitting next to them at work, church, school, it could be one of our children or even our parents!